Haibun 2024

The years before we got drivers licenses were glorious for young, teenage boys in the suburbs. While never amounting to real hoodlums, my friends and I liked to try our luck here and there.  

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What do I want to be when I am a child again, free of self-imposed limitations? An explorer, a learner, a writer, a sage?  

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They try to make the waiting rooms feel welcoming and comfortable. The effort is not completely wasted, but I am not feeling relaxed.  

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It has been two months coming since your cardiologist said you would need surgery. The evening before is the hardest part of the waiting.     

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What test do I have to pass that God does not already know the status of. Did I pass or fail? Faith is instead a resource, a way to grasp at salvation until salvation grips us tightly.    

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My rockets of understanding fire in stages, just like the big Saturn rockets of my youth. Each new epiphany of life allows me to to progress higher, if I am willing.  

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How is it that God can do so much when we are not watching? It makes me want to pay more attention.

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My beautiful wife Julie is in the hospital, waiting for procedures that will change her life, my life, our life together. I've been trying to keep the emotions at bay, but the tide is rising and I am, in the end, powerless to stop the turning of the earth, the rising of the water.  

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When I am stuck in a never-ending cycle of regret and self-blame, I am learning to relax and see the world, the events happening around me and myself in new ways.  

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