Expertise, and eventually the judgment of others it engenders, tries to lift me away from my own self loathing. With a diligent, disciplined effort I reach for freedom only to find myself still orbiting my fears and resentments, again and again and again.

When I recognize that I must move beyond my earthbound attitudes, I also discover the courage to push the button. With a whoosh I finally jettison the cargo I so carefully collected and credited with sustaining self-respect. 

With new perspective and the absence of so much mortal mass, I finally escape the fatal gravity of self-doubt. Then, still imperfect, bathed in unfiltered sunlight, I begin the journey I was always destined to make. 

                    north of the highway

                    fifty dirty yellow cars—

                    engineless they pause